Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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