No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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