I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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