Im at strip club and am horny
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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