you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
