The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
