So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
