The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
