come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
