Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
