in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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