dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
