$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't put those talents on a resume
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
