it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
