filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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