I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
