There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
