It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
