matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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