seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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