Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
did you just send me my own nude
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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