sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
