I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
