Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
