So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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