I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
