I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
