Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
