i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize