If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
