I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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