By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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