fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize