wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
