No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
