I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
