And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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