Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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