have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
