Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
