Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
