i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
