the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
