I have demons in me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
