i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
