I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
