Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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