We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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