I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
