my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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