His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
