Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A+ Viking dick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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