i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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