I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
