i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
