it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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