hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
