Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
