I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
