i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
