these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize