How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's always time for handjobs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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