so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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