ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
