I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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