i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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