You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize