Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
