one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would ride that face into the sunset
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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