mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
