i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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