i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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