I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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