dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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