I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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