i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
